i'm not crazy!

A lot of ideas have been popping into my head (and subsequently out of my mouth)recently. I have days when I'm feeling frustrated and other days when I'm exploding with hope and excitement. I think that's normal. I think that's a general part of life, not a set of behaviors limited to someone working through a difficult time or situation.

I have been changing my mind, back and forth, and sometimes back again about goals and plans. In the midst of my struggle, I see a lot of room for opportunity and freedom, and when I'm not thinking of ways to fix the things that need fixing, that is exciting! Sometimes though, I am overwhelmed thinking about the future...but I think that's the near future, the hurdles both known and potentially unknown, that I need to clear (in my mind mostly) before being able to breathe in that big sigh of relief. Sometimes, secretly and only to myself (though I guess the secrets out now)I hope that this major life change pushes me to challenge myself in ways I may not have before. Life was comfortable and while there's nothing wrong with living comfortably, it becomes more difficult to change the status quo. Day to day becomes routine and all sorts of things are put off until later.

So, that brings me to my final New Years resolutions for 2010.

I hope to spend this year really paying attention to the things that I enjoy and spend more time doing those. I need to focus on enjoying everyday, instead of looking to an assigned timeline when I might be able to relax. I want to spend time thinking of all the things that I really want to accomplish and see in life, and write them down...not in a bucket list kind of way, but in a logical way...so that I can move towards them instead of putting them off until another day. I want to get started again!

I am going to start taking courses towards a doctoral degree. Maybe I won't be a degree seeking candidate before the year is out, but I want to take steps towards the degree. This is something that is important to me and I'm going to work towards it.

Its tricky thinking about all of these things, because obviously, I have two little girls that rely on me and I need to think of them as well. But, perhaps the girls can benefit too. I have been so focused on providing a "stable environment" for them, that perhaps I lost site of the benefits of that environment..the enjoyment.

So, lets see how all of this works out in actuality.

back to routine

Strangely enough, I have learned a lot over the past two weeks.

For example, I learned that Notre Dame football is not in a conference and that running on the beach could quite possibly be my new favorite thing. I realized that I have the worst luck with traffic in Virginia (my usual roadtrippers can attest to that) and that sometimes, you just need to get out of town. Lunching with friends from upper school always brings a smile. Little brothers can sometimes be pretty great. Its not about the date or place, its about the celebration and who you're with.

After Wen and I thought extensively about potential New Years Resolutions, I wasn't able to come up with much that was concrete and measurable.

Wen and I resolve together to start a new blog, where we will post one picture we have taken everyday. Since we live over 400 miles apart and life is constantly changing, we thought that might be a nice way to stay connected (as if we need another way to stay connected).

I will run a half marathon.

Clearly, I'm still working on these.

But, unfortunately, winter break is over and I've had to return to work....